"None of my actions were a choice - they were an illness, a coping mechanism that allowed me to disguise my insecurities, pain, trauma, self-hate, and complete belief that I was not enough, that I would never be enough."
Image Credit: UnSplash
Originally posted on Ravishly.
Frequently, I get messages from people – usually cis men who are dating cis women, but not always – asking me what the hell they’re supposed to do when their partner talks negatively about their own body.
“She’s unhappily gained weight since we’ve been together, and I know saying ‘I still think you’re beautiful’ confirms the idea that fat is bad,” they say.
"Even though it can feel overwhelming and nearly impossible to live in this diet obsessed world, it is important to keep in mind there are ways to make it happen and put your recovery first."
On today's blog, Kelsi discusses how how to navigate eating disorder recovery in a diet obsessed world! Happy Eating Disorder Awareness Week!
I recently broke someone’s heart.
It wasn’t like an indie movie or a John Green book; there were no “wronged parties”. It was a long-term relationship with a partner that I still care about, but I knew deep down that I had been lying about the inevitable for too long.
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Trigger Warning: this blog contains discussion of disordered eating behaviour, read at your own descretion.
I’m going to be writing about poop and digestion. Ugh. Right? I thought you needed fair warning.
One of the benefits of recovery from an eating disorder is being able to answer the call of nature. It sounds simple, and it is, but for someone with a history of an eating disorder, digestion is complex and life changing. For many years, and still today, my internal pipes are quite stubborn. They are angry, erratic, loose, retentive, and just plain impossible. That said, since committing to recovery, my digestion rewards me with more success than disappointment.
Image Credit: Provded by Ailey Jolie.
My road to recovery from disordered eating hasn't been linear. During my process, there were several periods of time where I physically appeared 'stable' to my friends and family. However inside my mind lived a monster of nemesis thinking. These times, when physically recovered from the detrimental consequences, were some of the toughest times to navigate because I hadn't reached an emotional equilibrium or addressed any of the deeper seeded emotions that caused me to seek comfort in depriving myself of nutrients.
My family became a team of superheroes, battling some evil villain when I couldn’t myself. After a while I realized there was no getting around it, I had let my family in and now I couldn’t kick them out. I had to sit back and try to enjoy.