On Honouring My Mother: A Belated Eulogy

                                             

                                                   Image Credit: photo provided by the author.

In Jewish mourning tradition, it is customary for the next of kin to request memorial donations
for a cause important to their loved one.
 This tangible offering of tzedakah (righteous giving) connects the loved one to the mourners, their family, friends and community in an act of tikkun olam (repairing the world). When my mother died this February past, choosing an organization to honour her memory created an inner whirlpool that still spins inside my heart.

I Walk with ED

                               

How do I gain control? How do I make my world stop spinning?  I stopped eating.  I learned that I could control what went into my body and what came out.  It was the first time in my life I felt like I had something that I owned, something that was all mine.

On this week's blog, an annonymous blogger tells her story of how ED took over her life, and how she learned how to tell the eating disorder voice to SHUT UP! 

Illuminated Awareness

 

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The relationship we experience with our body is one that evolves throughout our lives. Our thoughts and feelings toward this relationship are like waves that ebb and flow.  As they move through us, we may experience some feelings more strongly than others or some days more strongly than others.  The beauty through those intense moments are that we begin to become more aware.  We begin to better recognize how we’re feeling and the possible triggers of such feelings.  As strongly as they may feel at times, we can recognize that like all things, they too shall pass and we may arrive at a place with a new found sense of clarity.  This adds a layer to our awareness that can be a tool to navigate our experience of trusting and letting go of the hold that such strong feelings may create.  

Voices

                                

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This piece was originally submitted to The Dialouge Projects on June 29th 2016.

Although I have struggled with mental illness for a long time now, sharing my story and just generally talking about my struggle with mental illness has always been something I’ve been really ashamed of and a part of my life I have always wanted to hide. But now, I have finally found the courage to share my story.

How far do I go back? How far do I need to go back?

                                  

                                                       Photo Credit: Dave Martyn

TRIGGER WARNING: the following material may be triggering for some individuals - please read with caution.

It was like walking into shadows for all those years, at first I fought it, wrestled with it, then let myself sink deeper down and gave into all those urges and destructions that ran through me. My entire life feels like one big waiting game. Waiting for death; waiting for life to begin; waiting for help; waiting for people to leave me alone; waiting to be saved.

My Road to Recovery - Anything but a Straight Line

 

                                        

 

TRIGGER WARNING: the following material may be triggering for some individuals - please read with caution.

Over the past four years I have been admitted to treatment six times, had my parents bail me out of jail four times, ruined countless relationships, and lost faith in myself. Not only have I been in a decade long battle with anorexia, I also developed an addiction to alcohol in my early twenties.

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What We Gain

What We Gain

I have to admit, dear reader, that I have struggled and struggled and struggled with this post.  There were so many important things to write: about body image, about recovery, about fighting the good fight against this insidious, downright abusive thing we call ED.  And then this tiny voice, deep inside, whispered: write about what you gain, when you let go.

My Father Oinked While I Ate

          

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TRIGGER WARNING: the following material may be triggering for some individuals - please read with caution.

I want to talk about body image. It's something that affects everyone to some degree. Having said that, some of our brains have developed neural pathways that hone in on what others wouldn't even notice, such as a look or a comment made by someone else. 

Beauty Ideals: A Look At The Bigger Picture

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If we were all programmed with the same exact genes, experiences and interpretations, I suppose globalized beauty ideals would be adequate goals to reach if they represented all of us. But, do they? Well, what beauty ideals do represent and where they come from have numerous theories, which all seem to have a valid point to make.

Beauty depends on the angle from which it is explained. It involves attraction to posses, hold, value or admire attributes that are recognized in oneself or elsewhere, whether it is a landscape or a face.

Will the Real “ME” Please Stand Up? – A Holistic Approach to Self-Discovery and Self-Acceptance

        

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So, what’s in a plan, anyway?

In short – the answer is NOTHING. But, it took me a while to realize and fully understand this.

I thought that my plans defined me, and when I deviated from them it automatically meant failure; as a person, in my beliefs, and every part of my being. My plans were what made me proud, made me feel like I was successful, and made me feel complete. 

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