Perfection is a Fiction

                                                            Image Credit: UnSplash

Throughout my life, I have struggled with perfectionism. 

The clothing in my closet had to be organized and arranged in a systematic and precise way, divided by colours, texture, and seasons. The books on my shelves had to be sorted by author, subject and year. I would spend hours shaping my external environment to be meticulously spotless. 

Preoccupation to Realization

As long as I can remember, food has been a large part of my life. Growing up Italian, it was inevitable. What 10 year old me did not anticipate was that enjoying food would become something of the past, and a preoccupation with counting and control would become the thing of the future.

Preoccupation to Realization

As long as I can remember, food has been a large part of my life. Growing up Italian, it was inevitable. What 10 year old me did not anticipate was that enjoying food would become something of the past, and a preoccupation with counting and control would become the thing of the future.

Breakdowns Eventually Pave the Way for Breakthroughs

                                 

                                                        Image Credit: Delia Xenophontos

Too many people suffering from mental illness feel alone, embarrassed, and guilty because of the stigma attached to it. In honour of World Mental Health Day, I’m sharing my story to remind all those suffering that it’s okay not to be okay. 

On Honouring My Mother: A Belated Eulogy

                                             

                                                   Image Credit: photo provided by the author.

In Jewish mourning tradition, it is customary for the next of kin to request memorial donations
for a cause important to their loved one.
 This tangible offering of tzedakah (righteous giving) connects the loved one to the mourners, their family, friends and community in an act of tikkun olam (repairing the world). When my mother died this February past, choosing an organization to honour her memory created an inner whirlpool that still spins inside my heart.

I Walk with ED

                               

How do I gain control? How do I make my world stop spinning?  I stopped eating.  I learned that I could control what went into my body and what came out.  It was the first time in my life I felt like I had something that I owned, something that was all mine.

On this week's blog, an annonymous blogger tells her story of how ED took over her life, and how she learned how to tell the eating disorder voice to SHUT UP! 

Illuminated Awareness

 

Image Credit

 

The relationship we experience with our body is one that evolves throughout our lives. Our thoughts and feelings toward this relationship are like waves that ebb and flow.  As they move through us, we may experience some feelings more strongly than others or some days more strongly than others.  The beauty through those intense moments are that we begin to become more aware.  We begin to better recognize how we’re feeling and the possible triggers of such feelings.  As strongly as they may feel at times, we can recognize that like all things, they too shall pass and we may arrive at a place with a new found sense of clarity.  This adds a layer to our awareness that can be a tool to navigate our experience of trusting and letting go of the hold that such strong feelings may create.  

Voices

                                

                                                                   Image Credit

This piece was originally submitted to The Dialouge Projects on June 29th 2016.

Although I have struggled with mental illness for a long time now, sharing my story and just generally talking about my struggle with mental illness has always been something I’ve been really ashamed of and a part of my life I have always wanted to hide. But now, I have finally found the courage to share my story.

How far do I go back? How far do I need to go back?

                                  

                                                       Photo Credit: Dave Martyn

TRIGGER WARNING: the following material may be triggering for some individuals - please read with caution.

It was like walking into shadows for all those years, at first I fought it, wrestled with it, then let myself sink deeper down and gave into all those urges and destructions that ran through me. My entire life feels like one big waiting game. Waiting for death; waiting for life to begin; waiting for help; waiting for people to leave me alone; waiting to be saved.

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