It Was More Than Picky Eating

I have always been called a “picky eater.” I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t selective about the foods I ate. Whether it was a specific taste or a particular texture, there was always something off-putting about certain foods. Growing up, food was and is a focal point in my life. It’s part of my culture and there was an intense pressure for me to eat what was given to me. I was always told that it was just food and that it wasn’t hard to just eat but to me, it was the hardest thing to do. I felt alone and it was like no one wanted to understand what I was experiencing. There was no understanding from anyone, nor was there any patience given to me. 

It became worrying when I was 10 and my doctor was concerned about my weight. They ran blood tests and even referred me to a pediatrician. They asked me a plethora of questions about my body and eating habits and still, there didn’t seem to be an answer to why I wasn’t eating enough. I didn’t feel the need to restrict my food intake, nor did I have negative feelings/ideas toward my body. The blood tests came back normal, and I was told to eat more and incorporate meal replacement drinks into my diet. Seemed like an easy fix, right? Wrong. I left the doctor’s office with more questions than I came in with. 

At the time, there was no formal diagnosis for what I was experiencing. It wasn’t until 2013 that Avoidant/Restrictive Intake Disorder (ARFID) was introduced into the DSM.1 There was never any follow up with my doctor and I went a long time without knowing what was going on. When I looked into ARFID years later, it felt like there was finally an answer. All the guilt I felt for thinking it was my fault almost completely vanished. It was more than just picky eating. The more I read about it, the more it felt like ARFID was exactly what I was experiencing. Even though I wasn’t formally diagnosed, the fact that there was validation for what I was going through made such a big difference. 

By the time I figured out that ARFID was something I was likely experiencing, I had been in my late teens. When I was younger, the control around food was with my parents and it was hard to get through my teenage years when there wasn’t much flexibility around mealtimes. There was a lot of fear around how I could move forward since I had been stuck in certain patterns of eating for so long. It was daunting to realize that there were strategies that could help me start introducing myself to new foods. 

Doing my own research and connecting with people going through similar experiences has helped immensely with trying different foods and giving myself some grace when I don’t like something. I found that treating myself with patience has been the most important part in relieving the anxiety I have around trying new foods. Finding resources out there showed me that there is a way forward. There were so many people going through the same thing, and I wasn’t alone. 

I don’t want other people to go through what I went through. I want others to get the support they need without having to do it alone. For anyone who is going through something similar, know that what you’re experiencing is very real. You are not just a picky eater. My experience showed me that there was and still is a lack of understanding when it comes to eating disorders. My doctor and perhaps many others don’t have adequate experience with eating disorders and that can leave people like me, feeling lost on how to move forward. Maybe I could have gotten the support I needed at an earlier age, had my doctor not simply written me off as a “picky eater.” It’s these labels that prevent a lot of people from getting the appropriate support. 

If you are going through something similar, I encourage you to advocate for yourself. There are supports out there for you and you deserve it. To families of those struggling with eating, be patient and supportive, that can go a long way. Do your research and advocate for them if they aren’t able to do it themselves. Having someone in my corner would have made a world of difference. I sincerely hope that our healthcare system becomes more adept in eating disorders. Something needs to change, and it can start with digging a little deeper and analyzing our biases so we’re not prematurely or falsely labelling someone. 

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References 
1. Zimmerman, J., & Fisher, M. (2017). Avoidant/Restriction Food Intake Disorder (ARFID). Current Problems in Pediatric and Adolescent Health Care 47(4), 95-103. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cppeds.2017.02.005